Spewing

It’s not your first time

And it’s not your last

It isn’t food poisoning

It isn’t coincidence

Half an hour after dinner

Halfway down the row of doors

This time

Every time

It’s so important

Perhaps it’s your silence that gives you away

Your silence in between the moments I am not supposed to share

The moments I am not supposed to know about

The moments I don’t know how to handle because they’re like a punch in the throat

The moments that feel like claws on my bones

I’m gasping

No

I’m holding my breath

I know you’re waiting for me to leave

You know I’m in here

Halfway down the row from you

But you don’t know I’m listening

You don’t know

That I know

The air conditioning hums

I sit here and listen to the thing that isn’t happening

I bet you’re wondering what I’m doing

Why I haven't left yet

I know you heard me come in

Maybe you’re getting angry and frustrated

Waiting and hoping that I will leave

But I can’t now

Your need is getting stronger

I know what you’re dying to do

The walls close in on me

Get thicker and heavier

I wonder if they’re closing in on you

I wonder if you’re listening to me

Like I’m listening to you

I’ve been here so long now

Neither of us can pretend any longer

You can’t hold out

And I need to hear it

Need to hear you shove your fingers down your throat again

Need to hear you bring it up and get it out

You’re disgusted

By your need to do it

I’m disgusted

By my need to hear you

...