Stupid Fucking Girl

Stupid fucking girl, she’s always trying to open the same door. I can see her from here, standing outside the house. She looks around to see if anyone is watching, but she can't see me, can't feel my eyes burning a hole in her head from where I stand, staring, hidden by the trees.

Of course she reaches for the handle and tries to turn the knob. Of course it wont turn. It’s the wrong fucking house and the wrong fucking door. Even if it were the right house, and even if the key had fit, had turned the lock – click – it would still be the wrong door. It’s always the wrong door. 

But watch her persist, time and time again, constantly trying to open it. Stupid fucking girl. She never learns. She’ll never learn. She’ll keep coming back to the house, putting in the keys and grabbing at the doorknob. And she’ll always end up standing there, left to stare at the door that is wrong.

She’ll never see me, watching everything, knowing the door is wrong. Never feel my stare, never sense my loathing. She’ll die out there, outside that door, hoping and trying. And I’ll see it all. Stupid fucking girl.

...

Spewing

It’s not your first time

And it’s not your last

It isn’t food poisoning

It isn’t coincidence

Half an hour after dinner

Halfway down the row of doors

This time

Every time

It’s so important

Perhaps it’s your silence that gives you away

Your silence in between the moments I am not supposed to share

The moments I am not supposed to know about

The moments I don’t know how to handle because they’re like a punch in the throat

The moments that feel like claws on my bones

I’m gasping

No

I’m holding my breath

I know you’re waiting for me to leave

You know I’m in here

Halfway down the row from you

But you don’t know I’m listening

You don’t know

That I know

The air conditioning hums

I sit here and listen to the thing that isn’t happening

I bet you’re wondering what I’m doing

Why I haven't left yet

I know you heard me come in

Maybe you’re getting angry and frustrated

Waiting and hoping that I will leave

But I can’t now

Your need is getting stronger

I know what you’re dying to do

The walls close in on me

Get thicker and heavier

I wonder if they’re closing in on you

I wonder if you’re listening to me

Like I’m listening to you

I’ve been here so long now

Neither of us can pretend any longer

You can’t hold out

And I need to hear it

Need to hear you shove your fingers down your throat again

Need to hear you bring it up and get it out

You’re disgusted

By your need to do it

I’m disgusted

By my need to hear you

...